What happens when blondes move from New Jersey to New York? Ive been living in the city for 15 years; I have no idea where the train is going. Henry, New York makes one think of the collapse of civilization, about Sodom and Gomorrah, the end of the world. This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google A Cyclone. Believe it or not, theres a lot more to New York than New York City. Its because New York sucks. Its a long trip to the Bronx, but theres always someone to greet you. Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. Two Orangemen fans drowned last year. Navigating subway stations can be confusing, and that's only confounded by the fact that in most of them, cell service is a joke. Hochul and state legislative leaders. I could never be married to her. Celebrate AAPI Heritage with These AAPI & Asian-Owned Brands! I would say it boat-time! Before I could ask if he was ok, he finished stacking the slices of ham with his left hand. Evian is gross! Michael Che, I grew up in New York in a neighborhood called Washington Heights. After all, it is the city that never sleeps., 26. New York City is the only city in the world where you can be awakened by a smell. Some tiny old lady that chain-smokes all day long? From 11:30 p.m. Friday to 5 a.m. Monday, trains are not running between 161 St-Yankee Stadium and Norwood-205 St in either direction, and uptown trains aren't stopping at 155 St. Industry professionals are tweeting their support of guild members. Kidding and welcome to my snazzy little blog. Thats why I love karaoke so much it takes all the music I find annoying AND all the people I find annoying, and keeps it in one place I can easily avoid. Aziz Ansari, I always wanted to live in New York when I was a kid. How you livin?, 68. That is not the most dramatic thing that you just said. What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Buffalo campus? Because theres a Delhi on every block. Where do New York chefs get their broth? WebThe G train is perhaps the butt of the most subway jokes and gets the least love out of any subway line in New York City. Why arent Buffalo cheerleaders allowed to do the splits? How did the sailor get around the city? Boss!, 5. A light at the end of the tunnel is just a regular workday. Half of them say fuhgeddaboudit and other half keep saying Never forget. Truth be told though, Ive never traveled without travel insurance and dont think you should either especialy since I think weve all had plans drastically change because of the pandemic. NYCs New Years sucked. 2. There are also subway puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. Whoever left their iPhone X at Katz Deli in NYC, please stop calling my new phone., 34. 102. What material does a New Yorker like to make his pajamas out of? We share them in our weekly newsletter. How hard is it to drive a computer from Toronto to New York? Pitter pat packages to new york. But look at him, hes wearing orange footie pajamas and hes got tinfoil on his head and hes playing a Casio! David Cross, Theyve got homeless guys everywhere you look. I mean, the dogs not thrilled with the deal. On the positive side, he makes great Subway sandwiches. Ill use my Rolls Royce.. Finally made it to Staten island. Tell me, did your favorite NYC jokes and NYC puns make the list? Thats one of my favorite things to do. Im sorry I stabbed you., 73. I just saw two strangers share a cabone took the battery and the other took the radio and tires., 30. Being miserable and treating everybody like dirt is every New Yorkers God-given right. In Massachusetts, why do all the trees lean west? Because crap floats. Of course, silly. The suspension is giving me anxiety. Please stop calling my new phone. So, without further ado, check out how many of these secrets you might know about New York Citys perhaps second most hated station (after Penn Station ), the Times Square subway station! She is from another country. Why dont Syracuse football players sink in the Great Lakes? His mother tells him: "Honey, don't do this". The Yankees are supposed to win. The study also revealed that they thought the other 2/11 jokes were funny. I replied, Yeah, man, youre free., A homeless man goes up to a woman in NYC and says I havent eaten in three days. I know that everyone will want to go in there if they have a chance. She instantly says, where do you get that kind of self control?. And that ten years, Id like to spend in New York. Harry Ruby, Gluten-free pizza elicits the same response at a Hollywood party that a pile of cocaine did in the 80s. Natasha Leggero, Everyones into health in Beverly Hills. And Im from fucking Pakistan. Have a look at our jokes about New York City. WebNYC subway commuters. Its tough finding a good bar to go to in New York sometimes. What did the old timey New Yorker say to the woman with dirt on her shoes? WebNew York subway shooting: Here are the latest updates by worldNews24. Summary Transcript. Its an incredible place to live. Exactly 2,417,529 people got married in NYC last year. The guy was very rude. They asked him if he wanted his sandwich toasted. Theyre just, Is that an octopus? You take the S out of Sub and the F out of Way. Another synonym for bet and okay. New York, Im sure our paths will croissant again. When you visit New York in winter, it makes a good frost impression. 19. 8. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. Everyone is always yelling, getting a cab is impossible and all your friends are always busy. Cause you can hear anything, at any hour theres always something to blame it on. Pete Holmes, Even if you like New York, youll admit its not a nice place. There is more sophistication and less sense in New York than anywhere else on the globe., 58. Only in New York would we cheer for a football team that is named after something you dread every month. As they say in the movie Jerry Maguire, You had me at AIDS. Heres how I would have ordered those things. With Barry on the loose, all Gene, Fuches, Hank, and Sally can do is crumble as they wait to see who hes coming for first. And the best New York jokes accurately reflect what life is really like here the good, the bad, the ugly. 17. What did Elin say to Tiger? Eh, she told him to beat it, bozo. John Mulaney, New York is very rough. What is the landscapers favorite museum? Why are New Yorkers so depressed. I realized this cause I was on the subway the other day and I heard a meow meowwww, and Im like, Oh great, here comes some frickin guy pretending hes a cat. And I turned around, and it was a cat. Last on the list is New York Puns. When I was in NYC, a black man asked if the Yankees had won. Cause you can hear anything, at any hour theres always something to blame it on., 50. The Brooklyn flea market is just a hop skip and a jump away. The Jews celebrate Passover by eating unpalatable food to remind them what will happen to their people if they ever leave New York City., 88. I could see him thinking, I cant do what I normally do, which is stick out my hand and stop these doors, as Ive got these bags. Lost in New York? Why did the New Yorker spray pam all over their body every night before bed? Its the only place where if you look at anyone long enough, theyll eventually spit. Caroline Rhea, One day there was four innocent people shot. 14. Its like, youd get the same amount of information if you grabbed someone on the street and you were like, What happened today? and theyre like, Theres a perv in Queens! Youd be like, All right, thank you. Or, rather, its like someone read a better newspaper, and now theyre trying to text you everything they can remember. Yeah, they really dropped the ball. A visitor. 31. It does things to a person. They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second., 35. There are, as you may have noticed, a lot of jokes about flying. Dont pee on that., 72. I would have said, Excuse me, Im new in town, and it gets worse. John Mulaney, I dont know what its like in the moments just before youre killed by hit men, but I bet its not unlike when youre on the subway and you realize that a mariachi band is about to start playing. Try the New York pretzels. Think about that, thats true. His boss asks why. Two Orangemen fans drowned last year. However, rather than crying about it, lets laugh about it with some of the best jokes about New York City. How do the Brooklyn and Manhattan Bridges communicate? Do you want to know my favorite Los Angeles Dodger? Its like somebody took an Ansel Adams photo and then put a Cypress Hill video inside it. Al Madrigal, If you ever thought you were ugly, Los Angeles is the place to come and find out you were right. Richard Jeni, You cant smoke in a restaurant in Los Angeles, which is mildly ironic when you consider the fact that you cant breathe outside a restaurant in Los Angeles. Greg Proops, Hollywood is like Picassos bathroom. Candice Bergen, I have been asked if I ever get the DTs; I dont know, its hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin. W.C. Worse, actually; at least the eunuch is allowed to watch. Albert Brooks, Los Angeles is the home of the three little white lies: The Ferrari is paid for, The mortgage is assumable, and Its just a cold sore! Milton Berle, California is a fine place to live if you happen to be an orange. Fred Allen, Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars. Fred Allen, You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly, and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producers heart. Fred Allen, Theres only five real people in Hollywood. Whats the best street for moving trucks? Why do University of Buffalo grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards? 1. 178. Everybodys a superstar. WebService will increase and a planned fare hike will be reduced under the handshake state budget deal between Gov. Youre not considered legally dead until you lose your tan. Joan Rivers, L.A. Just that brief moment where youre reading and youre like, Oh, a guitar player. The street art in New York is very ad-mural-able. Two Towers. De-stress with these jokes. What state do dogs like? A timeline of Justin Bieber, Hailey Bieber, and Selena Gomezs love triangle. 15+ Cheeky and Corny Love Jokes you can laugh with him and her! The guy was very rude. Im not having his argument; Im having mine. Howd you get lost in New York? Cant be the animal that makes that noise. In winter, NYC is the city of tights. A nanosecond in NYC is the time it takes the car behind you to honk their horn when youre sitting at a red light that has just turned green. Why did Eve want to leave the Garden of Eden and move to New York? 141. What did the angry pepperoni say? 22. Upstate New York can be really cold. New Yorkers confuse me Eve wanted to leave Eden and move to New York, but why? Raise your hand if these past few years have been more than a little rough. They both leave kid's homes with empty sacks. The U2 singer called his Zelenskyy portrait a few squiggles and I just got out of the way.. Yawn. How many NYC cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? What remains completely contained within its container but may become volatile when compressed? Studies show that most New Yorkers are offended by 9/11 jokes.The study also revealed that they thought the other 2/11 jokes were funny. And even if she was from this country, no one has said bozo in 1,000 years. Why are New Yorkers always so depressed? Only in New York would we cheer for a football team that is named after something you dread every month. Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve? A dollar is good for 4 quarters. Like, I asked my friend, I said, Man, whats a good building? He said, A good building, you got a doorman. Ugh, New Years Eve in NYC really sucked this year. Boss! Can I have some more coffee? Sam and Joel reach a new level of intimacy. I remember seeing a headline when Tiger Woods cheated on his wife, and it says, Tiger says hes sorry, but Elin says, Beat it, bozo! No, she did not.
