Thank Goodness he wasn't traveling to Nanking. His job was to read it. 20:57 EDT 23 Sep 2012 And then the Anthony Worrell-Thompson sausages. Dear Herr Hitler, Sorry for taking a while to get back to you. While being mocked by the others for his age and incompetence at trying to read a tricky retake, he stopped, gazed to the side for a moment, squinted, and asked: "Has the man in the end bed died?" The 72nd series of the multi award-winning comedy panel game chaired by Jack Dee. Jack Dee chairs the 78th series of the show. ", "As the frisky tomcat of fate confronts the scalpel of destiny, and the precious natural woodland of time meets the motorway extension of eternity", "As the Ford Anglia of time fails the MOT test of eternity, and the dappled donkey of fate ambles toward the abbetoir of destiny", "Well as the delicate mayfly of time collides with the speeding windscreen of fate, and the angry wasp of destiny flies up the trouser leg of despair", "As the loose boweled pigeon to time swoops low over the tourist of destiny, and the unlicensed mini-cab of fate gets lost in the one-way system of eternity", "As the short-sighted rhino of time attempts to mount the VW beetle of eternity, and the rubber glove of hope gets lost in the Aberdeen Angus of destiny", "As the great tit of time nibbles through the gold top of eternity, and the unseen mouse droppings of fate nestle in the Crunchy Fruit and Nut muesli of destiny", "As the rogue purple underpants of time begin their assault on the whites-only wash cycle of destiny, and the twin buttocks of fate are sucked into the malfunctioning chemical toilet of eternity", "As the armpit hair of time is snagged in the ball deodorant of destiny, and the Harpic of eternity spills unseen onto the loo roll of fate", "As the red red robin of time goes bob-bob-bobbing under the snow plough of destiny, and the sage and onion stuffing mixture of fate is rammed up the eternally unfrozen turkey of damnation", "As the grubby raincoat of time opens to reveal the upright Member of Parliament, and the categorical denial of destiny is swiftly followed by the resignation letter of fate", "As the wee-willy-winky of time pops out of the nightgown of eternity", "As the chill wind of time blows up the kilt of destiny, and the short-sighted octopus of fate attempts to mount the bagpipes of eternity", "As the little Jack Horner of time pulls out his plums of fate, and the little Tommy Tucker of destiny looks for a rhyme we can broadcast", "As the plastic cup of time fails to emerge from the vending machine of destiny, and the scalding coffee substitute of fate splashes onto the unsuspecting crotch of eternity", "As the false teeth of time come away in the Granny Smith of destiny, and the Grandpa Smith of fate decides he needs stronger dentifix", "As the 4x4 of destiny on the level crossing of fate, stalls in the path of the speeding freight train of doom, and the signalman of time rushes to fetch his camera", "As the hunter of time blasts the moose of destiny, and as the dairy counter worker of fate grabs the mop of destiny", "Lionel Blair & Christopher Biggins recently appeared on Stars in Their Eyes, where Lionel singing Maggie May came second to his old teammate. . She's going to meet him at the monkey house, where he's often found swinging about with his charges. ", "Incidentally, pianist Colin Sell was once mistaken for a member of the Partridge Family it took him nearly three weeks to pick the lead shot out of his backside. P.S. In November 2020, before the start of the latest series of the classic Radio 4 comedy panel show I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, long-time panellist Barry Cryer, who has died aged 86, talked Radio . It was eventually announced that the show's 73rd series in Autumn 2020 would consist of Tim's final two episodes (recorded shortly before the nationwide lockdown), followed by four remotely recorded episodes with the surviving regulars and a virtual audience (categorized by the BBC as Series 74). ", "Well with Mickey Mouse's big hand pointing upwards and Goofy's tail pointing downwards, I realise my Rolex is a fake. I'm Sorry I Haven't a ClueThe Complete Lionel Blair (1993-2007) Mark Campbell 1.45K subscribers Subscribe 212K views 4 years ago A compilation of every single Lionel Blair joke (as. Or: " the title will be provided by the technical wizardry of the multi-pixelated laser display screen. The chair seems equally desperate to be elsewhere, although he is now Jack Dee. Barry was Old School; in his stand up act he told jokes. Oh no, hang on, that's Facebook. 17 of Ken Dodds most ingeniously funny jokes But that was not long before he died [in 2021].. This is a very popular programme with Theosophists. However, it wasn't until 1993 that she started becoming the butt of increasingly risque jokes. A revered stand-up comedian, Hardy was also a hit on Radio 4 panel shows such as The News Quiz and I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue. Naismith recalls the regulars saying that they would carry on until Humph goes and, after Lytteltons death in 2008, the recording of series 51 was cancelled. "Dear Mr. Gadaffi, You must be very proud. Yours etcetera, Dear Leonardo da Vinci, Scrub the sitting Ive got to go to the dentist. Item Information. . This is the game where the team are presented with the first half of memorable quotations to finish off: Twas brillig, and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe. I dont even have car insurance, because Im a careful driver., I read in my local newspaper, they had this advert, Please look after your neighbours in the cold weather, and shall I tell you something about that? ", "Samantha tells me she has to nip out to help an old man next door who has trouble using his stairlift. 38 of the funniest Russell Howard jokes ", "Samantha has just started keeping bees, and already has three dozen or so. On 13 April 2002, during a round of Uxbridge English Dictionary in which new definitions are given to old words Stephen Fry offered: Countryside to kill Piers Morgan.. But there was a later communication that his wife and family were upset and would the BBC calm us down a bit. ", "This week we can promise you a nail-biting contest followed by a nose-picking contest. During that dispute, the issue of low pay was also raised. With Jeremy, the reason he was so bad was that he had never sung in public. Because then you can say, if you think thats dirty, thats your mind not our words.. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue: smuttiest jokes. They're going on a driving tour of Wales. ISIHAC TOUR She tells me she's got a man coming round who's keen to inspect her . Following the death of Humphrey Lyttelton in 2008, the show used regular guest panellists Stephen Fry, Jack Dee and Rob Brydon as guest presenters for the 51st series, before choosing Jack Dee as the permanent chairman the following series. The 70th series of the multi-award-winning comedy panel game chaired by Jack Dee. Here's just a selection to remind you: Samantha has to nip out now as she has promised to style her new gentleman friend's hair for him. The manageress at Dorothy Perkin's says if she catches him in there again, she'll call the police. It all started with an iconic wartime show called 'It's That Man Again' or. In this game, the teams imagine what effect certain letters might have had on history, had they not gone missing: Dear Dr Guillotine, We shall be pleased to grant a licence for your automated haircutting device just as soon as youve addressed one or two safety issues weve identified. ", "Colin Sell is at the piano, and with exciting career news - he tells me that he's recently started to work with pop sensation Bjork, so now he's making regular trips to Iceland or if they're shut, he goes to Bejams. Im not interested anyway. Dear Arch Druid of Wiltshire, You are hereby advised that planning permission has been denied for the erection of a large henge of stone. Biggins said that Lionel's Rod was outstanding but he easily had it licked", "The next round is called 'Cheddar Gorge' and it's just one of many parlour games inspired by English place names. ", "You join us again at the Everyman Theatre in Cheltenham, where we've attracted a capacity audience of some 700, odd people. ", "Accompaniment will be provided by Colin Sell at the piano. ", "Samantha has to nip out now as she's got a new job working in the sound archive as the manager. More than once, between tears of helpless laughter, the producer and I asked each other: "Can we actually broadcast that?". The chairman, jazz trumpeter Humphrey Lyttelton, was an unusual choice, and he seemed appalled by the format, testily setting the length of one contest at two minutes, or as long as I can stand it. 20 of The Young Ones most gloriously silly quotes. You can't see the other half, because some fool has put a 700 foot bicycle wheel in the way. [significant pause] On the piano, Colin Sell! ", [Lyttelton discusses the "eleven jokes in the world"; i.e., the 11 types of humour.]. 25 of Charlie Brookers most cutting jokes and insults ", "While Samantha nips out to warm up her little Morris", Samantha has to nip out now as she's got a new job working in the sound archive as the manager. 31 Best Man jokes that will work for any wedding Still, it was during one of those famous comradely Cryer phone calls of which we have all heard so much that the roots of The Clue Bible, my first weighty slab, covering over 50 years of British comedy history, first found soil.Back in the mid-2000s, I was a veteran videogame journalist who in my spare time performed sketches in a double act, and tried to get my children's stories published. . The unfortunate demise of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, William Caxton invents the Printing Press, Sir Walter Raleigh presents tobacco and potatoes at the court of Elizabeth I, Oedipus Rex blinds himself after marrying his mother, Jocasta, Joseph and his Amazingly Technicolor Entrecote, It seems to me I've heard this song beef-, If you like it, you should have put an electronic tag on it, If you liked it, you should've put a wheelclamp on it, If you liked it, you should have put herring on it, Cheese Eaten Too Close To Bedtime On Elm Street, The Long Way Round, Avoiding The River Kwai, Bring Me Someone Who Knows Alfredo Garcia, Four Engagement Parties and a Bloke Who Doesn't Feel Very Well, Let's Hope Nobody Comes and Snatches These Bodies. I wish theyd take my advice and run their trains on time with enough seats on them for all the poor bastards whove bought tickets from them., Dear Guinness Book of World Records: I have a collection of six Guinness Book of World Records. ", "Some experts believe that it might take its title from a town in Ireland, which is generally associated with meaningless nonsense. After Chairman Humph, we got Have I Got News for You, They Think It's All Over, Never Mind the Buzzcocks and countless other comedy panel games, where the chairman appears not to want to be there and isn't too fond of either his guests or the subject matter. He'll carefully take out her 38 bees and soon have them flying round his head. Eventually, the nuns of Beverley convent rose in revolt, and laid seige to Hull. Someone in middle management says: Im not so sure about this line, then someone else isnt sure, either.. I could hear the cheeky glint in his eye. ", "Samantha's popped out to visit an old gentleman friend of hers who's a notorious curmudgeon. Someone told me, says Garden, that the BBC has a vault of programmes to be played in the case of nuclear war and Clue is among them., So the last thing Britons ever hear may be ingenious innuendo about Piers Morgan or Samantha? RIP Tim. I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue - Complete JokesHosted by Humphrey Lyttelton and featuring Tim Brooke-Taylor, Barry Cryer, Graeme Garden and Jeremy Hardy.ISIHAClu. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue (2008 TV Movie) Humphrey Lyttelton: Self - Host Showing all 17 items Jump to: Quotes (17) Quotes Humphrey Lyttelton : Incidentally, Colin's piano playing is widely believed by faith healers to hold miraculous powers. 2021 Associated Newspapers Limited. 25 of Peter Kays most ingenious jokes and one-liners Im just suprised I haven't seen a chopper with the Diamond Dogs or MSF logos on them. ", "The sound effects were acquired for us from the BBC archives by the lovely Samantha. ", "We call the next game Word for Word; it's a word game. We could therefore, if required, defend the material, in that it could only appear filthy to someone with a dirty mind - so what were they complaining about? The best Graham Norton jokes and most scathing put-downs 30. It once made a blind man deaf. The comedian Jeremy Hardy has died, aged 57, leaving behind a legacy of formidable wit and humour. "Samantha has recently taken up beekeeping with a small hive, housing just three dozen or so. ", "While Samantha nips out to warm up her little Morris", "While Samantha nips over to Prague for a quick check-up", "Before I nip out with Samantha for a time honoured blow on the seafront", "While Samantha and I nip out with my flexible friend to make a large withdrawal", "As Samantha tells me it's time to let her whippet out", "Samantha tells me she's expecting a visit from a film producer in her dressing room after the show. (November 2006), "In her spare time, Samantha likes nothing more than to peruse old record shops. So that's answered your next question. Here, concluding our series to mark the programmes 40th anniversary, are more of its most gloriously groan-worthy moments. 25 of Dara Briains best jokes and funniest quotes Arent they a bunch of bastards, all that finger up the arsehole, all day long. Together they form a body of work stretching across five decades, from Cambridge in 1960 to today's world-beating Antidote to Panel Games, a laughter-bringer . Then he pointed up to the circle and said: "I was only joking. Well loved celebrities include Alan Bennett and Barry Cryer. His attitude was that the writing of the script wasn't his job. ISIHAC TOUR Stars In Their Ears Clue regulars Graeme Garden, Barry Cryer, Tim Brooke-Taylor, Jeremy Hardy and esteemed Chairman Humphrey Lyttelton play agame called Stars In Their Ears on the I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue 'best of' theatre tour. #5. The 70th series of the multi-award-winning comedy panel game chaired by Jack Dee. The show launched in April 1972 as a parody of radio and TV panel games, and has been broadcast ever since on BBC Radio 4 and the BBC World Service. ", "I am assured that piano accompaniment is required for this round, and it appears that Colin Sell is unexpectedly available to provide it. She says he's looking forward to showing her Cardiff and Cardigan Bay, before going on to Bangor in the back of his van. 105 of the best bad jokes He spent 4 days holding up a dried arrangement at the Chelsea Flower Show. Time left: 3d 23h | Starting bid: GBP 5.00 [ 0 bids] I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue is a half-hour comedy programme, billed as "the antidote to panel games". Which is why I havent., The other night, this salesman phoned up and started banging on and on about buying car insurance. He often said that the others on the show were professional comedians, so why would he, a trumpeter, try to compete? English writer, comedian and actor Barry Cryer has died at the age of 86. 25 of the most cantankerous Martin Crane quotes from Frasier Billed as "the antidote to panel games", it consists of two teams of two comedians being given "silly things to do" by a chairman. BBC Radio 4's I'm Sorry I Haven't Clue scorer Samantha rarely stays until the end of the show. Born in Farnborough, Hampshire, in 1961, Hardy gained recognition on the comedy circuit in the. In what way is it a farm? After 30 minutes, the doleful host declared that the first show had come to a merciful end. 38 of the most darkly funny League of Gentlemen quotes Garden recalls a meeting with then BBC director general, Mark Thompson, at which Thompson cried: Double everyones pay!, Fees have remained unchanged since, say insiders. 105 of the best clean jokes and one-liners 45 of Ricky Gervais funniest jokes Barry and I worked together for 50 years on I'm Sorry I Havent A Clue, and our gleeful spin off You'll Have Had Your Tea with Hamish and Dougal. Started by Jemble Fred, May 26, 2005, 02:52:40 PM. Many come here and pay a few pounds to enjoy an uninterrupted 45 minute viewing of London and the Thames as they wait for their Connex train to finally crawl off Hungerford Bridge. He just found certain things funny, and he shared them with people around him whom he hoped would also find them funny. Following reports that BBC Radio 4 considered toning down I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue because of complaints over the smutty jokes, here are some of the show's dirty innuendos from four years of broadcasting. Jack Dee chairs the 75th series of the show. But we wouldnt get the repeat fees., 50 Years Without a Clue is on Radio 4 and BBC Sounds on 16 April at 8p. 26 of Sara Pascoes funniest jokes and quotes ", (After Jeremy Hardy has sung in a round of Pick up Song) "That wasn't even the same track. It was like being at the golf club, she says. 27 of Sarah Millicans laugh out loud jokes 50 of Tim Vines most ingenious jokes and one-liners ", While Samantha nips over to Prague for a quick check-up". 75 of Billy Connollys best jokes, one-liners and quips "Samantha has been working down in the gramophone library today, where the archivists have been engaged in a heated argument about who sits at which desk to get the best view of Samantha's shapely legs. Opportunity Knocks said it was the worst novelty drag act they'd ever had on the show. 41 of the funniest quotes from The Good Place about life and death ", "Dear Mrs McCartney: My, what a terrible mess. How to use Google Chromecast in Spain. . Yours, Wiltshire Council. Extracted from Im Sorry I Havent A Clue: The Best Of Forty Years by Barry Cryer, Graeme Garden, Tim Brooke-Taylor, Jack Dee et al, to be published by Preface on October 4 at 20. Delight - make things go darker. 20 of the most absurdly funny quotes from Nathan Barley Well loved celebrities include Alan Bennett, and Barry Cryer used to know his milkman. For many years it was hosted by the jazz trumpeter Humphrey Lyttleton. Will Somebody Shut Those Bloody Lambs Up? ", "The city (Leeds) has connections with many famous people. You can use it for sandwiches all through January. ", "You know, I was interested to learn recently that Colin doesn't just play the piano, in fact I have a letter here that says he's recently become very handy on the sax and that's signed by the Haringey Council Waste Disposal Department. That went off. By Actually, listeners may be fascinated to learn that before Christmas, Colin was employed to play the piano for The Stranglers. Stephen Frys Countryside joke was first aired on 13 April 2002, not on 4 February 2010; and Lionel Blair didnt host Give Us a Clue, but was a team captain. No radio show has aided that cause greater than I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, the much-loved panel show that Lyttelton (right) chaired until his death four years ago. Innuendo, tone-deaf singing and dreadful wages: as the cherished BBC panel game celebrates its half century, we look back at its finest moments and its future. I sometimes say that Clue went on three years too long, he says. Dandelion - camp Big Cat. The show is introduced as "The Antidote to Panel Games" and consists of a panel of four comedians, split into two teams and "given silly things to do" by a chairman. But one practice still makes it a bit of a wall of death. "When I'm Cleaning Windows" to the tune of "Walking in the Air" (Graeme Garden) 33. The show launched in April 1972 as a parody of radio and TV more More I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue quotes Collection Edit Buy Humphrey Lyttelton: 100 of the funniest dirty jokes that will make you laugh and gasp Condition: Very Good Very Good. Yours faithfully, Mrs Trellis. And the show is such a broadcasting institution that its half-century edition will be recorded at the Royal Albert Hall. One of the best to date.
